{random} stories :: clues…still

When I grow up, I wanna be a…


Now there’s a sentence I was never able to finish.


It is frustrating not to know what to do with your life. And it is more frustrating when everyone uses the word excellence to describe something professional. In this world we live in everything must be excellent.


What about those things that are plain and simple? That are just good? Aren’t they good enough? Oh, asking this I’m thinking about the answer someone will give “Good is not enough!” Why?


Is it more important to get through life and get to the end and think “My life was absolutely perfect!” or on the other hand “My life was good… better than good, but not perfect! I failed, I learned, I fell, I got up… I LIVED!” And maybe, just maybe some of us are not supposed to have a talent, something they’ll be excellent at it. Maybe some of us are supposed to worry about other things.


What other things?


Well… if you remind me saying I wasn’t supposed to get married. Point taken, and point made. I’m not married. And I always thought that I wasn’t going to be one of those girls that finishes college and gets married (again, this same subject), puts career on the side and becomes a “soccer mom”. I could not be more on the opposite side than this! If some “soccer mom” is reading this (which I don’t believe anyway), please forgive me, but I’m not actually criticizing your life. I promise I’ll make you believe in me!


The words in my book in those days were definitely career and struggle. I wanted so much more, I knew I had to struggle. And so I did. Struggled to become the person I am today. Struggled to be successful. Struggled to be in a major firm, where everyone’s excellent. I am surrounded with excellence! And now it’s time to say “Enough with the excellence! Enough with the suits! Enough with the pressure! Enough with the look “I make a lot of money and I’m that good!!!”


But I still don’t know how to finish that sentence… When I grow up I wanna be a…


I don’t have a clue there. Maybe something…

  • where I’m the one in charge;
  • where clocks are not that important (not the easiest….);
  • where I could be creative;
  • where I could travel around the world (dream on dreamer);
  • where I could hold a camera.

These are my clues for today.


{random} stories :: clues

Like I said before… New York is the master key for the whole mistery. Have you ever felt like chasing something and in the meantime you start to think that maybe you’ll never touch it, or on the other hand, you start to feel that you don’t want it that much? You’re probably thinking “Ok, ok, I know where you’re going… You wanted NY but it’s being so hard that you started to change your mind!” Actually, you’re probably right… or not.


Going to NY is being very hard. I’ve been there three times, but never as a New Yorker, but the strangest thing is that I feel a New Yorker when I’m there. And I miss NY when I’m not. Let me share something with you. When growing up, and imagining that someday I would move to NY, I kept imagining my apartment. You read it well, my apartment. And I had it all figured out. Well, not all, but at least I thought about two things: my hall and the dog I would have.


So let me describe it for you… I would have a teal blue hall with NY b/w pictures in black frames. As simple as this. And the dog would be a Beagel. Just for the record… and a reality check, my house has white or light yellow walls, I only have two black frames but they’re in my bedroom with b/w Paris pictures… and there’s no dog.


How come this turned out like this? Strange thing… Oh, I almost forgot… you’re probably thinking… “But what about NY? Are you still trying?” I guess I think about that when outlining my keys…

{random} stories :: twigg’s path

Well, to begin with…this is the first day of my first blog aka “diary” of so many things. So, why create a blog? Do I want someone to read it? Maybe… or maybe not.


And why not buy a simple and plain book and start writing on it? It is true I love to write… I’m probably not an excellent writer, but who told you that I had to be excellent in doing something I really enjoy? I guess that’s the beauty of it.


So… this blog aka “diary” of so many things is for…? This is to be certain that I discover myself and follow what I truly believe in. And to be almost on my thirties and still discovering myself… I feel that this has a major importance. It’s my mistery.


I guess no one really cares about my mistery, my keys, my life, but as you can imagine, I do care. I care because I always thought I would come to this point and already have all the keys needed to open all the doors. Not that I would use them all in the beggining, but I would have all the keys… But I don’t.


Every day that goes by, I try to find another key. Sometimes, I can’t find any. Some other times, I find more than one key. But now… here’s the thing. I’ve been finding some keys lately, but they come in raw, which means I have to… how do I say this… outline them. And yes, it’s a lot of work, and most of all… courage. And now you’re asking (let’s pretend that someone’s there reading, ok?) “Do you have what it takes? Do you have that courage?”


And I’ll have to answer “I guess so!” But let’s face it, it’s not an easy thing to do! Outline keys? And what if I get something wrong and outline a key I won’t use later? I don’t want to keep a box with some keys I’ll never use. I want to be able to find and outline keys I’ll actually use to open doors.


I remember one day, and I guess this was the first time I said out loud what I wanted and didn’t want to do in my life. Not some great thing, right? Everyone does this! But for me it was a great thing, because I was six. And being six, I should be just worrying about playing around with my dolls, and learning my math lesson, but I was worrying already about my life. Was that too early? I don’t think so. But anyway… although being worried so soon, that didn’t keep me from having all this trouble finding keys. Instead… and more than two decades before, I’m still looking…


But wait… I haven’t told you what I said out loud at the age of six. I don’t recall anyone asking me, but I said this “I don’t want to get married and I want to go to New York!”


Let me tell you something about this sentence. I guess I got something right… I’m not married.


…and I’m still looking for the key with NY written on it.


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