family comes first and a very personal story

… said a good friend of mine. and it made me think a little bit more about family, once again. last thursday i got back home and on my way to meet mr twiggs at his parents’ home for dinner, i was thinking about family. family was the reason i had to be away these days. it was nothing serious, just a minor surgery and recovery that took longer than expected. i come from a family of four, and fortunately, my brother and i were able to share these happenings and manage to take care of our father, while mom was away. and it was exactly this that made me think while i was driving. the importance of brothers and sisters. he was born 9 years before me, so i didn’t grow up with the feeling that i had someone to play. but instead i remember being angry at him most of the times, because let’s face it, i wanted to watch some cartoons and as he was already a teenager at that time, he didn’t have any patience with me, nor was he interested in cartoons. so we argued all the time. he was always the rebel one and i was always the nice and well-behaved girl (boooooring!). it was only when we were both grown-ups that we started to really get along. and until now, that’s how it is between us. the curious thing is that he went north, i went south and my parents continued living where they always lived, in the center of the country. we can be one month without talking with each other, but the good thing is when my brother calls it’s like we were together the day before.

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and thursday, it really felt good to have a brother. not because i could come back home and he would take my place next to my father, but because it feels good to have someone else in the family to talk about our parents, that grew up with us, that knows our parents as well as we do, that is a part of our story, of our values, is a main character in our childhood stories. we are diferent and somehow it’s like i cannot describe him that well, at least his flaws. but he is a part of me. the four of us are a part of something really good and important, we are family. my parents got married and had us as their children. and now that my parents will reach their 70′s in a couple of years, it feels good to have someone to share the responsibilities, to talk to, to laugh with about the stories and the episodes.

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family comes first and sometimes things do not happen as expected. but these days that were unexpected and stressful because other things were happening, and i was being needed, were also good to give me the opportunity to spend some time with my father, to realize even more that the man i knew is no longer there, but at the same time, his blue eyes emain the same, his smile has the same tone and beauty. my father had several silent strokes in the last years, which means that his memory was seriously affected, and lately his speech was also affected, as we cannot have a normal conversation with him, he still reads but at this point i don’t know what kind of information reaches his brain. so family comes first and is something really important, even when we are away. time doens’t stop and sometimes it brings surprises. and now i just hope my brother and i can still be here for them, and most of all i hope my mom can continue healthy and strong to handle things at home!

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and now another story, i’ve been a bit absent as well because my laptop began to feel really sick so it went to the doctor, alng with my external hard drive that started to “cough” as well. as i use both hard drives at some point, some information/work may be lost. and yes, i’m here again. and the ironic thing is that i was going to use an online backup service to keep the most important files in a very safe place. and now i’m at that point again where some things may be lost for good. i may have a really bad karma when it comes down to trust my luck, the luck that i should know i don’t have. and now i’m working from a very very old laptop, and i miss my pictures. i’ve been thinking about those. as a photographer, photos are that important to me. photos are my memories. they tell my story. and feeling that i may lose some of those photos is like losing some stories. it’s an awful feeling. and i think i’m even more in love with analogue work. as that is (almost) always safe in negatives and dvd’s.

so now i hope you can pray a little bit for me, and if you don’t pray, at least have this situation in your thoughts and hope for a goo ending like i’m hoping! please, i really need your strength on your thoughts! have a lovely sunday my friends, i’ve missed you terribly!

19 comments

  1. Dear Claudia, I understand completely what you mean. I am so sorry about your Father’s poor health, I am in a similar position with my Dad having been unwell for 2 years now. Living so far away from him has been dreadful at times. I often badly miss my family; I am one of 5 and we are all quite close in age, although my eldest sister bears the brunt of the care of my parents.
    Also, I am sorry to read of your laptop and losing photos. Perhaps you should give dropbox a try for essential back ups for peace of mind?
    Love to you x

    • hello my dear friend! thank you so much for reading my long personal story and sharing your thoughts with me! and i’m also sorry for your father’s poor health situation. it’s so hard sometimes, isn’t it? we always wish and imagine our parents old but well, and though the situation is not well, i keep saying to y mum that things could actually so much worse that we need to thank that he’s still with us for example, he’s capable of eating, dressing and taking bath alone. little things are great things for us! and yes, you are so right about dropbox! yes, definitely i will give it a chance as i already signed up a few weeks ago (imagine all the irony :)), and i was actually preparing files to upload to mediafir when all happened! talking about bad karma, huh? thank you again for your lovely thoughts and wishes! have a beautiful day!

  2. Dear Clau,

    thank you so much for referring to me in your post as a good friend! It’s really important to me even though if I sometimes wonder whether I deserve that.

    Regarding your father, I cannot really say much, other than send you a big & very, very tight virtual hug, the one that makes your skin go up, while a feeling of trust that whatever happens eventually has its silver lining hopefully reaches your heart.

    The same goes for the the technology part of your work. I’m already sending good thoughts, so that all has the best outcome ever out of this adventure of yours. I do very well understand what you mean.

    And btw, you are finding me going though {once more, I know please don’t roll your eyes} a very hard, hard time on all possible levels of my life affecting my family, my personal relation ship, my emotional health, as much as the ones of people I deeply love & care & my financial issues.

    It seems that just living for now cannot always work & life is persistently asking me to develop a plan to correct, fix, overcome & cope, which to me seems like having to climb mount Everest without even being a climber or ever having chosen it.

    But for perhaps the first time in my life so intensively, I really, really want to achieve to pick up that second leg which has been persistently staying in the past & bring it to the present together with the other. I guess then making some plans about the future won’t be terrifying me so much any more.

    A person so troubled as I currently feel I am, should probably not be giving advice, but before I go, there are a few words that pop up in my head connected to you. Just open yourself…. to whatever it might be… as irrelevant as it might seem at the beginning, it might be a the answer to your quest.

    Have a wonderful Sunday & take care,
    Iro xoxo :*)

    • hello my dear friend! well first of all of course you deserve such word, as i consider you a close friend! an second of all thank you so much for three hings, for your kind words on my dad, your happy wishes and thoughts on my data and or opening your heart to me! and because i wish to write you in a more private way, i’ll answer you on an email, because i might also write a long answer, so, an email is better! i hope your day is being as deligtful as wished! big and strong hug from me to you!!!

  3. I started reading with an ache in my heart. I hoped it was nothing to serious and definitive. I am sorry about your father’s bad health, but I am glad you and your brother have each other. I can feel your story about you and your brother, it’s very similar to mine and my sister’s. When you have someone that close, things find a way of getting sorted out.
    I am sending you my best wishes, for your family, as well as for your laptop, I know how frustrating this can be.
    Have a peaceful week ahead.

    • my sweet anka, thank you so much for your thoughtful wishes and concerns! fortunately it was nothing definitive as you were thinking! and you are so right, with family an someone close there’s always a solution ahead, and it feels really good to have each other. thank you for your wishes and may you have a great week as well!!!

  4. My sister was born 9 years before me also,but even we felt that difference a lot when we were younger now we dont at all.We are living far away from each other but nothing can separate us and I know exactly what you mean.
    I am thinking on you…

    • thank you my dear sanda!!! so 9 years as well? so you know what it’s like :) have a beautiful day!!

  5. Ohh best wishes to your dad! Hope he gets better soon, and I totally understand what you mean, no one else will understand your worries for your family as a brother will, to be there by your side, to support each other. I’m also glad do have my sister by my side, we can always trust each other and rely on each other. So definitely, family always comes first, every thing else with some work we can get it, family we need to deserve it and always be there no matter what, as they also will always be there for us :)

    • yes miss lilly, you are right! we need to be there as they will always be there for us, no matter what! and siblings are so important!! thank you for your wishes!!! have a lovely day!

  6. It may sound weird coming from me, but the fact is that I pray every night. It’s not a secret but I’m not very fond of telling people about this, as I feel that these late night talks with-whoever-is-on-the-other-side are something that I like to keep to myself. And they work. I don’t know if it’s whishful thinking going on or something stronger, but it works. As well as all the small bonding that we have been loosing with time but, due to circunstances – even the economical crisis!! – make us try to re-tie them again. I also have a brother – 4 years younger. Our personalities are so different that if you don’t know us you’d even be doubtful about us being brothers. But the fact is that, living almost 300 km apart, the bonding goes on, stronger every day. We don’t talk much, we see each other every 2 or 3 months, but the fact is that the brotherly bonding is there no matter how you try to brake it – as others have, but didn’t manage to. I know I may be lost in the middle of now where and he’ll go there to pick me up. That’s what brothers do!! It feels safe when you know you have a guardian angel, that you thought it didn’t exist. and don’t worry, I’ll pray for you and you hard drives and pictures. All those are accepted in my “living room”!
    Stay safe. If you need to talk to someone, call me!!

    • my sweet ana, thank you so much for opening your heart for me here in such a public place! but you had it right, no matter the differences, i feels good to know that our siblings will be there for us, and i’m so happy that the bond is growing, instead of getting weak for the distance or other’s mean actions. we need to stay together, because there’s always friends, but families have stronger bonds! thank you once again for including me in your thoughts and for being here! hugs!!

  7. This was a nice post, though I’m sorry about your father’s health as well as your laptops health. I have two sisters who are both about 10 years older than me. We like to sometimes vent our feelings, especially about our family in general. It’s good, cause some of those things are hard to talk about with strangers. And some things are just easier to understand as a long long time member of the family.

    Beautiful photos, as usual.

    • hi there mervi! thank you for your comment! you know, you just hit the thing! we need to vent our feelings about things that are not to vent with strangers to our family, because sometimes only who has been there for years and years and knows the whole thing, can actually understand what you’re talking about! family is a very powerful group and people are bond to each other and there are lifestories among us… it’s beautiful, magical, our support, sometimes ugly, but still family. thank you for your nice words on my photos! **

  8. I am so sorry to hear about all that your Dad has been through. I know that it must be so hard for you to watch. I remember when I had my daughter the insane realization that my parents were people. Like… me. Just normal people that were good at things and bad at others and just not that different from me… and they could be my friends. It makes it harder to see them suffer and go through things because I am there beside them now rather than when I was a child and they protected me from so much. I am sure that it means the world to your Dad that you are willing to be by his side and continue to love on him and keep him company! I, too, understand the distance between siblings. My sister and one brother are each two years apart from me and then we have a little surprise who came along when I was 12. My mom always called me his second mom and I think it’s true, though now we are more like friends!

    • thank you sweet tina, you are always so sweet with your words! yes, i’m sure my dad appreciated my presence though it was interesting to also notice that asides all the differences that he and my mom have between then and the fact that my dad aknowledged at some point that her personality was somehow very difficult to handle, they are so close now that he missed her terribly while she way away. isn’t this curious? with time, everything heels and the differences vanish because other things turn out to be much more important. and she’s the one besides hi every single day. and it’s love! ****

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